February 2012
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I have been complaining nonstop this week. Next week isn’t looking any better. Rehearsals four hours a night every night, three exams… I might not make it. I’ve been dramatic as fuck, and I’m really fucking tired, and I’m really fucking angry about everything. This week has had its moments though. TMEA was fantastic, rehearsals for the musical are fun (sometimes) and...
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:( :) :( :) :(
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Ah, I dreamt that Amado was alive and he was doing hilarious things so I was telling my friend, “Look, that’s my brother! Look how funny he is!” You know, before it’s too late.
Busy day ahead, I won’t be back in my room until midnight. My goodness.
Why must nightmares feel so real?
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Aw dammit. My entire suite is sick and coughing and shit. I might get sick soon enough. Yay for a few shitty upcoming weeks!
Performances went great, busyass weekend, busyass life.
That pretty much sums it up.
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Tonight and tomorrow night the choir is singing with the symphony in Laurie and I’m really excited about it. We had rehearsal with them last night, and I almost felt like crying because they were right there in front of me, and I just love them all so much. That’s silly, I know. I fangirl over them, I want to be where they are so badly.
I feel extremely privileged to sing with them...
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A cover.
January 2012
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Life is easier having fellow music majors to complain about music theory with.
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Last night was really nice. I had a lot of work to do, but Matt kept me company and made things easier. Didn’t get much sleep though. I woke up and remembered I dreamt about Amado. He had long, multi-colored hair and was confused when I kept hugging him. It seemed that he was living his life all over again, as if after he died, he started all over again from the beginning. I think he was at...
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I wish I had red hair so I could cover “Samson” and feel okay about it.
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So tired.
Fuck this, I'm going home.
Not even fucking worth it.
Okay, I really hate college kids. I absolutely detest them.
My fucking roommate and suitemates are in the next room with a bunch of people, listening to fucking Kesha, banging on things, and screaming. I mean, fucking really?
FUCK THIS SHIT, I have to wake up at 7:30 tomorrow.
akl;sewoina;eslkfdlfj SO MUCH HATE. Motherfuckers.
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I met with a counselor yesterday, and it was really nice to talk to someone outside of my inner circle that can relate to what I’ve been going through. I miss him all the time. I would give anything to hear him say, “Hey, Chena” to me one last time. She tried to explain what my parents were going through. You lose a child, and suddenly the world stops. Nothing makes sense...
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I’ll never forget the feel of his frozen skin beneath my fingers. Or how hollow his chest felt when I placed my hand on it, no warmth and no heartbeat. This might seem morbid, but I miss that. At least I could see him before me. Difficult to determine how the body appears nowadays. It’s thoughts like these that have me lying awake when I should be sleeping.
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What a fantastic turn of events! My 8:30 class is cancelled tomorrow morning, so I can sleep in and finish my assignment before my 11:20 class.
MmmMmmmmmMmmhhhmmm, gon’ sleep.
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fuck my butt
my flash drive decided to stop working, MONEY DOWN THE TERLET
internet is slow as FUCK
this is post
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Watchtrichechidae:
Year of the Dragon | Sufjan Stevens
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“And this is what living next to a waterfall is like, Safran. Every widow wakes...”
– Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer (via thechocolatebrigade)
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Beethoven here I’m come!
I’m going to become even more obsessed with the cello now because I have one at school that I get to practice whenever I want oh goodness this is exciting. This sweater smells so good. Happiness.
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Dream.
I was talking to Katie about something, and some girl walking past got offended by what I said and tried to start a fight with me. We went outside into a parking lot and a big crowd circled us, and I said, “What if we just danced instead?” She was a tiny little thing, and she picked me up high off the ground and swung me around. Then I picked her up but couldn’t get...
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There’s a strange girl vomiting in my toilet?
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Seven thirty in the morning, I wake up and remember that I dreamt about you again, and a lot of people were dying and we were all crying, crying, crying.
(I won’t say who, but it wasn’t nice for me to see the people I love so hurt.)
You were with us, even though you weren’t, and at one point you ran away and we chased after you, to make sure you were okay. I think you just...
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Watch
I had a good long cry with my mom last night. Perhaps this will be the first day this week that I don’t cry. Yeah, that’d work for me. I don’t enjoy being so vulnerable in front of people, no matter who they are and how much I trust them. But sometimes I just get so goddamn sad and there’s really nothing much I can do about it. Being at school for too long is really...